5 Ways to Slow Down Your Neurodivergent Parenting

There is literally no actual danger in opting out of the pressure to rush everywhere

Photo by Nick Abrams on Unsplash

I like moving fast. I like constant motion. I’m hyperactive so inertia sometimes makes my skin crawl.

But the key here is that I like being this way about things I’m in control over. I don’t like other people rushing me. And I don’t like feeling like I’m letting someone else down if I’m not rushing.

So when it comes to parenting my ADHD kid, while I do think she likes being busy, she doesn’t like being pushed or rushed by any external forces.

Rushing out the door - as in, “we’re going to be late if we don’t leave in 5 minutes!!!” almost always results in crying, rage, or both.

So here are some things I’m trying to slow down about to reduce the constant pressure and stress of pushing and rushing everyone constantly out the door.

1. Reduce MY schedule

   • The thing I have the most direct control over - most of the time - is my own work schedule. If I have to rush my kids out the door because I have a meeting scheduled that starts precisely 15 minutes after school drop off and depends on an absolutely perfect morning, I’m not making that meeting. Or if I do make it, I’m calling in from my car and not fully present. Either way, I don’t end up looking good. All the meeting ends up doing is further cementing my reputation as someone who is always late and chaotic.

   • I block my schedule off not only during “perfect” drop off time (as in, literally how long it takes to get from my house through drop-off to work) but I give myself a 30 minute cushion around that time and assume it’s going to go badly every time. No one can schedule meetings with me during that time, so even if the kids are late to school, my stress levels can stay down. Same with pickup - even though I don’t always pickup my kid from school (as my mom often picks them up), I always block that time frame off just in case I do have to.

2. Be OK with not going to stuff

   • Be OK with not making it to Karate even though you paid for it. Drop activities. Don’t do any sports for 3-4 months. It’s OK.

   • In every sport I’ve ever done, there’s always been 1-2 families on the team who seldom come to practices, roll in late, and just generally aren’t super reliable. Sometimes, we are that family. But the amount of times I’ve yelled at kids to get them moving to what is supposed to be a fun outdoor activity is just dumb. This is not life or death. This is soccer for 8 year olds. If you miss it, the world will not end.

3. Library time

   • This is not ‘go to the Library’. This is ‘treat your house like a library’ time. This is quiet time. This is time for coloring with colored pencils, watercolors, reading a book, doing a craft, playing with play doh. The key is “quietly”.

   • This is not something we were ever able to do when my older child played competitive sports. We were constantly rushing around between school to practice to home to rushed dinner (often fast food, see next point) to bath to omg it’s 9:30 you have to go to bed NOW because you have to be up in less than 9 hours. Nope. Library time instead.

4. Focus on food and eating

   • If food has to take a backseat to activities, something is wrong. Families need time to choose, prepare, and eat food. My daughter has a weight problem because of youth sports (well, mostly because of me, but also because our family just isn’t cut out for the absolute chaos of youth sports scheduling - I fully realize many people handle this with no problems whatsoever, but my ADHD just doesn’t support this lifestyle). We never had time to eat at home because of nightly practice, so got in a bad habit of fast food several times a week. The activity that was supposed to help my daughter’s health and body resulted in a significant weight problem that is going to harm her long-term ability to play sports, not to mention her self-esteem and health.

   • Not anymore. We are going to take time to go to farmer’s markets, to choose, eat, and prepare fresh fruit and vegetables. This is, as it turns out, a very enjoyable part of life, not something we should feel has to always be made the most efficient possible way so as to not get in the way of scheduled activities.

5. Take long walks

   1. When in doubt - when everyone is cranky - go on a long walk. Meander. Don’t have a plan (but bring water and a fully charged phone, obviously; maybe some pepper spray). I realize not everywhere is conducive to this - some places are safer for this kind of thing than others, and chronic health conditions and/or disability play a role in how possible this is - but I’ve never regretted a long walk, even when we return home in the dark, tired and warn out.

I’ve let go of the reality that it feels like ‘everyone else’ has their kid going to a hundred different activities, or winning tournament trophies every weekend or whatever.

So what if they do? We aren’t built for the life that ‘everyone else’ is living, and that’s totally OK.

Food, creativity, and exercise - as unstructured as possible. I choose peace and slowing down over chaos and rushing.