I Need a Margin For Error

Expect at least 20% of your life to be a total shitshow, and then hopefully the other 80% will be...less of a shitshow

Photo by Gaining Visuals on Unsplash

I spend a lot of time needing an extra 20 minutes. I need 20 extra minutes to find a way to pick up a prescription before the pharmacy closes. I need 20 minutes to schedule a hair appointment. My kingdom for 20 minutes.

My life, at least the way I thought I had to live it, has zero margin for error.

I can:

• Work 50 hours a week

• Sleep 56 hours a week

• Have fun with my kids and limit (or, ideally, completely eliminate) screentime

• Stay on top of the laundry and dishes

• Keep the house tidy

• Take out the trash and make sure it’s on the curb for trash day

• Plan holidays and birthdays

• Stick to my budget

It’s super simple, as long as:

• No one can ever get sick

• The car can’t have any problems

• The house can’t have any sudden maintenance issues

• No items ever get lost or go missing

• Everyone is super emotionally stable and positive

• No one can have any behavioral issues

• No coworker unexpectedly stops by my office to shoot the breeze

• No surprise work deadlines pop up out of nowhere

• Nobody at work retires or quits

As long as everything is totally perfect, I can get everything done! But if anyone needs more than 20 extra minutes of my time, I’m instantly behind on EVERYTHING.

Stop Being Surprised by Interruptions to Routine

Here are some realities I somehow continue to be surprised by, and fail to plan for:

• 2 kids need at the very least 4 medical appointments a year (2 dr, 2 dentist appts) and probably more like 12 appts. a year when you account for illnesses etc.

• 1 dog needs (at least) 1-2 visits a year for medication and shots

• husband needs 1-3 medical/dental appointments/labs

• I need 1-3 medical/dental appointments/labs

• My car needs maintenance 2x a year (tires, oil, etc.)

• At least 4 times a year, I’ll have to go to the post office or UPS store for something (e.g., package returns etc.)

• People need haircuts at least 2x a year (4 people = 8 flipping haircuts!?!)

Assuming each of these appts/errands takes 2 hours (getting there, appt, getting back), that’s 34 errands for a total of 68 hours.

I spend almost 2 weeks every single year, on the bare minimum of medical appointments, car stuff, and errands. But I pretend this is all stuff I can just squeeze into any given day. And this barely scratches the surface of all the stuff that comes up that I need to do - this is just the stuff I can (sometimes) plan ahead for.

The “20% Will Be a Shitshow” Margin for Error

I assume, erroneously, that 99% of the time, things will go as planned, that I’ll do my normal robot routine of working, childcare, cooking, cleaning, and sleep. Then, when obviously my' ‘normal’ routine feels like it very rarely happens, I feel like I’m drowning all the time.

Here’s how I’m building in more margin for error and helping myself build in the “20 extra minutes” I find myself desperate for on a daily basis:

• 1 weekday a month is a vacation day to deal with personal stuff

  • I call it “Doctor Appointment Day”. The Last Thursday of every month. It’s on my calendar so appointments like physicals that can be scheduled far in the future always go on “Doctor Appointment Day”. If that day isn’t full, I do other errands, car maintenance, clean my house, whatever needs to get done.

  • Yes, this is 12 days a year and yes I’m super lucky to have that many days of vacation as someone who lives in the US, where paid time off is (absurdly) a luxury. A lot of the time, what this means in practice is that I come into work the Sunday following Doctor Appointment Day to catch up, so I don’t always need to take the actual vacation day, I basically just swap days.

• I block off early mornings and afternoons so no one can schedule meetings with me. If something comes up in the morning or later in the day, I’m not scrambling to reschedule something that starts at 8:30AM. Basically, this means I only have meetings between 10AM-3PM, which is also nice so that if I come in early or stay late, I get a lot of uninterrupted project time.

• For things like kids sports practice, I add in 20-30 minutes of extra time when blocking out my calendar. For example:

  • Soccer practice starts at 5PM on Tuesday and Thursday

  • It takes 30 mins to get from our house to soccer practice (leave house at 4:30PM)

  • It takes 30 minutes for child to change into soccer practice clothes and snack (4-4:30PM)

  • It takes 30 mins to get from work to home (So, normally would leave work at 3:30 at the LATEST)

  • BUT, I need to plan for 30 minutes of shitshow somewhere in there (can’t find cleats, car out of gas, emotional meltdowns, etc.): Leave work at 3PM (but don’t worry, you don’t have any meetings after 3PM because it was already blocked out permanently to have any meetings after 3PM, see above)

I am incredibly lucky to have a flexible job and be in a managerial position such that I can pretty much control my work schedule - I realize, that is not the case for everyone. But expecting the unexpected - and, more importantly, literally scheduling in time for the unexpected, has become the only way I’m keeping my head anywhere near above water these days.

If you’ve got any other ways you plan for chaos, I would LOVE to hear them.