If I don't empty the dishwasher every day, my life will fall apart

I don't have to do the dishes. I just have to empty the dishwasher or everything goes to shit.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

There’s a window behind my kitchen sink and taped to the bottom of that window, in very tiny letters, is a piece of paper that says:

Empty the dishwasher every day or chaos ensues

There are essentially endless things to be done every day. But if I only have time and energy for one single household task, it’s emptying the dishwasher. If I go to bed with the dishwasher empty, the next day will almost always be manageable. I often do the dishes completely after emptying the dishwasher because I have some momentum going, but even if I don’t do the dishes, the next day will still be vastly superior to a day where the dishwasher was not emptied.

I’m not exactly sure why this matters so much. But the cascading effects of not emptying the dishwasher go something like this:

1. In the morning, dishes in the sink can’t be put in the dishwasher

2. Dishes pile up on the counter throughout the next day

3. Now there are two loads of dishes to be done

4. Because the counter is already messy it bothers no one to leave other random stuff on the counter

5. Because the whole kitchen is messy it bothers no one that the rest of the house becomes a mess

6. Chaos

None of this is intentional or conscious. Alternatively, if the dishwasher is emptied the night before:

1. In the morning, dishes are put into the dishwasher. Dishwasher either run at that point or, optimally, dishes can be put in throughout the day

2. Counter is clean. It becomes noticeably not nice to leave random crap on the counter, so things are put away where they should actually go

3. Counter stays clean, kitchen stays clean, and something about this makes everyone feel like all is right with the world and our home is a place of order and serenity

4. Everyone cleans up after themselves better throughout the day

5. There’s less to clean up at the end of the day, and therefore more time for togetherness and rest in the evening

6. Peace

I have two graduate degrees. I’m a reasonably smart and accomplished person. It feels absurd to admit that the entire functioning of my life depends on whether the dishwasher got emptied.

There are many, many days where I feel tempted to skip the dishwasher. It’s 10pm, both kids finally in bed. I’m exhausted physically and mentally. Can’t I just…not? (Problems with task initiation is a major executive function deficit and symptom of ADHD for me. There’s also a bit of time blindness at work in that I’ll erroneously tell myself it will take FOREVER to empty the dishwasher when it takes less than 5 minutes). What if I just empty the dishwasher in the morning?

In the morning, literally everyone needs everything at the same time. Dog needs to be let out/walked/fed. Baby needs a diaper change. Older kiddo can’t find their friendship bracelet that they NEED. Breakfast made. Taking the trash out because I can’t empty the coffee grounds as the trash is too full. Cleaning up spills. Getting everyone dressed.

Oh well, I’ll just empty the dishwasher when I get home tonight.

Somehow in the course of 24 hours, later that night I will discover there is not a single clean dish in house. The amount of dishes and the state of the house suddenly feels entirely overwhelming. The amount of dishes now that need to be washed appears endless.

There’s a quote from Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh that goes:

“When you are washing the dishes, washing the dishes must be the most important thing in your life. Just as when you are drinking tea, drinking tea must be the most important thing in your life. Drink your tea slowly and reverently, as if it is the axis on which the whole world revolves—slowly, evenly, without rushing toward the future. Live the actual moment. Only this actual moment is life.”

When I’m sitting on the couch, ready to head to bed - or just tempted to chill out for the first time in approximately 16 hours - I tell myself, “emptying the dishwasher is the most important thing in my life.” And I don’t ever find that to actually be an exaggeration.

P.S. if you have a baby/toddler that lives for attempting to crawl into the dishwasher as soon as you open the door - remove the entire bottom shelf (assuming your dishwasher allows that), place it on the counter, empty and fill, then put the whole thing back in the dishwasher. It will be heavy but if you can lift it and get it in there during a moment of toddler distraction (a bunch of cups that might stack could be the ticket), you won’t have to continually fight them from getting all up in your dishwasher’s business.