My Dream ADHD-Friendly House
How I wish houses were designed to support ADHD people who struggle with housework and life in general
I cannot stop thinking about this sink:
I would install this in a heartbeat if I had like $1400+ just lying around. What would be even cooler is a sink where, once the wash cycle is finished, there’s a space next to it where you can slide the clean dishes while still in the rack, so you can fill the sink dishwasher up again (with a second rack) while you’re using the clean dishes.
Why aren’t all dishwashers like this? How dumb is it that we basically have a built-in bucket where the dishes hang out before we put them in the dishwasher to wash (I realize the idea is that you put them straight in the dishwasher but haha yeah right).
I live in a midcentury ranch house. I think all the time about how my home was designed specifically so a homemaker could hide mess: hide laundry baskets in the laundry room, hide dishes in the dishwasher, hide coats in the closet. We have pocket doors so you can create a situation where basically the only accessible rooms in the entire house are the dining room, living room, and bathroom. So the actual functional spaces - where the housework gets done - can be hidden from view.
Houses are also designed so that routine housework is just something you need to remember to do. Remember to rinse the dishes and put in the dishwasher, then remember to put them away. Remember to take the laundry to the laundry room, put it in the washer, remember to then put it in the dryer, then remember to take it out and fold it.
I’ve really started to catch myself every time my brain tries to lie to me with “I’ll just remember to…” No. I will not “just remember”. I will put a reminder in my calendar because I remember nothing.
So what if we had a sink that was already a dishwasher, so you don’t have to remember to put them in the dishwasher - they’re already there?
What if we had an all-in-one washer/dryer so that you don’t have to remember to dry stuff? I’m fantasizing about an all-in-one washer dryer that can also dump itself out into a waiting hamper. And somehow use AI to sort the clothes by size?
I’ve also heard of a strategy where the laundry room is home to everyone’s clothes. So instead of everyone having their own closets, all clothes for everyone are hung up / stored in the laundry room.
In order to change clothes, you have to go to the laundry room, where you can conveniently put your dirty clothes directly into the hamper (or gloriously directly into the washing machine) and then when clothes are cleaned everything just stays in that one room. Clothes don’t end up all over bedroom floors or shoved under beds never to be seen again. Genius! God I wish I had a laundry room but alas the washer and dryer is shoved in the garage (another annoying decision that clearly wasn’t made by someone who actually does laundry).
Houses Are Designed for Separation, not Cooperation
When my kids were really little, I longed for a bedroom that was just one gigantic bed. Like, just a wall-to-wall bed with nothing in it at all except a bed. So a toddler could roll around all they like and I could maybe move away from their powerful kicks without falling off the bed.
And also it would be a room just for sleeping. You can’t get up and run around, there are no toys, no TVs, nothing but a room to SLEEP.
I kept thinking that the modern / western idea of kids needing their own rooms has put us into living situations that make it so much harder to co-sleep, and to co-do… anything.
Everyone in the house is living in their own tiny apartment where all their possessions are located, and where pockets of mess can accumulate only to spill over into everywhere.
I’ve spent years sleeping on the floor of my kids’ rooms because my ex-husband wanted to watch TV in our room while falling asleep (a habit I despise more than anything on this planet) and my kids just wanted me but their dang beds were too tiny so we both just slept on the floor. But could we just replace their beds with a full-size bed to make it easier on me? No, my ex said we don’t want to encourage them to sleep with us, they need to sleep by themselves. Except they weren’t sleeping by themselves, so I guess I’ll just keep sleeping on their floors?! SO DUMB. And yes this just one of 10,000 reasons my husband is my ex.
Western housing arrangements were by-and-large built either for a time that doesn’t include the systems we use for housework (dishwashers/laundry machines etc.) or designed by people who probably weren’t too familiar with how housework gets done.
They also emphasize privacy, which I understand - older kids and teens do benefit from their own rooms, obviously. But could we at least find a way to make it easier to comfortably sleep when kids are little and want to be with their parents? I couldn’t help but think that the only one who was enjoying our bedroom / sleeping layout was my husband. The bedrooms are designed so that everyone has privacy including the parents, and kids are meant to not be interrupting the parent’s sleep/intimacy (or TV watching, grrrrrr). Except that’s not reality. Little kids need to know their parents are nearby protecting them, like, because of evolution and tigers and stuff. Sleeping in separate rooms is super weird for babies and little kids.
A cooperative house recognizes that there are going to be seasons of life where a family all sleeps together in one room. Where all clothes are in one spot where they can be washed, dried, and put away easily. Where immediately after dishes are used, they are put in the place they’ll be washed, because the kitchen is designed to function, not put things in buckets for Mom to take care of later. Where people aren’t all separated out into their own little apartments that mom spends hours rushing around cleaning, but are expected to cooperate to maintain the household because most of the spaces - where most of the ‘stuff’ is stored and used - are shared. Where you can zone your house for functionality. Where there isn’t an expectation that someone “just remembers” to keep things moving and functioning.
Courtyards
Open courtyards in the middle of a house seem like a great idea. Before we spent too much money fencing in our front yard, we couldn’t use our front yard at all due to fear of a small child running into the street. Unfenced front yards are so useless when you have little kids (and/or dogs) who will chase after a ball into the street without a second thought.1
I still can’t send my kids out to play in the yard without me being all up in their business, even with it fenced in, because of stranger danger and the possibility of the gate failing and cars and a million other things.
But a courtyard? Yes. Go play, children! Sunshine, plants, and play while being inside the house. Maybe this would lead to a false sense of security, but the idea that the outside of the house is secured and kids are playing outside while being inside (?) would be a total dream.
Bonus Nightmare Fuel: Robot Vacuum with Creepy Arm
It wouldn’t be a post of AI-generated images if there weren’t at least some nightmare fuel!
Behold, a Roomba that also picks up toys with a robot arm:
We don’t have a vacuum robot because it would be constantly messed up by all the obstacles and objects in the way. But a picking-stuff-up-and-putting-away robot vacuum would be amazing (and probably kind of terrifying).
If I win the lottery, I’ll implement all this stuff and let you know how it goes. Until then, I’ll just be dreaming.
Thank you for reading! Was this helpful to you? If so, please consider supporting my caffeine needs.
I’ve also thought how great it would be if neighborhoods had parking lots. Like you park in the parking lot and then the neighborhood itself has no cars on the street. I realize that’s impractical for so many reasons but basically I wish we could enjoy our neighborhood with fewer cars prowling around. Cars should not be barrelling down streets where kids are playing.