Thanks for this. My 12yo has ADHD with either ODD or PDA (though ODD is still how I think of it, specifically because I think his desire in the moment is to oppose whatever it is his parents are suggesting) and my husband and I have to tag team who is with him sometimes because the opposition is stressful, confusing, and infuriating. But yes, introducing to him while he is calm or in a good mood what could be different next time is a good strategy and one we’ve used more often with his little brother but could revisit with him. The brothers — the younger one is 6yo with what has now been categorized as “severe” ADHD with RSD — fight so much and so hard. Woof. I mean. Just woof. Parenting with these features. Thanks for writing.
You're definitely not alone! It is so hard, and honestly so baffling that they have the energy to be so opposed so things so often. Sometimes I wonder if there's some evolutionary reason for this - like, some ancient ancestors broke all the rules and because of this they survived some plague or something?! But in any case, it's so tiring.
The moments of peace are so precious, you don't want to interrupt them by bringing up anything negative, like how they can handle something difficult the next time. But it really does work, it just takes foreeevvvvverrrrrrrr. Hang in there, woof is right!
Thanks for this. My 12yo has ADHD with either ODD or PDA (though ODD is still how I think of it, specifically because I think his desire in the moment is to oppose whatever it is his parents are suggesting) and my husband and I have to tag team who is with him sometimes because the opposition is stressful, confusing, and infuriating. But yes, introducing to him while he is calm or in a good mood what could be different next time is a good strategy and one we’ve used more often with his little brother but could revisit with him. The brothers — the younger one is 6yo with what has now been categorized as “severe” ADHD with RSD — fight so much and so hard. Woof. I mean. Just woof. Parenting with these features. Thanks for writing.
You're definitely not alone! It is so hard, and honestly so baffling that they have the energy to be so opposed so things so often. Sometimes I wonder if there's some evolutionary reason for this - like, some ancient ancestors broke all the rules and because of this they survived some plague or something?! But in any case, it's so tiring.
The moments of peace are so precious, you don't want to interrupt them by bringing up anything negative, like how they can handle something difficult the next time. But it really does work, it just takes foreeevvvvverrrrrrrr. Hang in there, woof is right!